Finally, the time has arrived when a spinster like me has to grapple with the proposal dilemma. For the past few years, I’ve observed my eldest sister enduring the public scrutiny, criticism, and rejection from the judgmental aunties. Now, I find myself in the same nerve-wracking situation, where portly aunties arrive at your doorstep to assess your appearance, speech, mannerisms, and overall character. They nitpick your every flaw, seemingly using it as a way to cope with the rejection they themselves experienced in the past from similar aunties (personal catharsis), perpetuating this unhealthy cycle.
Allow me to present an article I wrote years ago as a means to vent my personal frustrations.
They have been waiting for the last three times for them to show at their doorstep but every time round an excuse was made that they were busy, or they had to go somewhere. To her all the lame excuses was heard as ‘blah, blah, duh, jackasses’. Finally, they arrived… First and foremost, they took a quick stroll around the house to see how much moolah they can acquire from them and at last they took seats making themselves comfortable on leather sofas. Their gaze now lingered across the room and they took a surreptitious glance at the new installment: split ac. After a moment’s silence, they acquired information about the family’s residence. They were presented with pastries, samosas, and many other bakery items to keep them busy for a while.
Ladies and gentlemen the moment you’ve been waiting for has arrived: now they will check her out like cattle on display at the maweshi mandi (Eid-ul-Adha bazar). She hesitantly presented a cup of tea to the groom-to-be; he quenched his thirst not by taking a sip but passing a lustful stare. She was questioned about her education, hobbies, and job. After crunching and munching some time they decided to leave. Her parents were relieved that she’ll get hitched but the Rishtay-wali aunty said on WhatsApp that they have rejected the proposal saying that the girl is slightly kali (down in complexion). Now at thirty years of age, she stays at home unmarried.
Why are we not putting an end to this situation? Where is our conscience? How low have we fallen morally? It is truly sad when I see my eldest sister getting rejected every now and then. Why are people so interested in money, looks and social status? When the Prophet {S.A.W.W} has asked men to give utmost importance to seerah (moral and religious character). When I questioned my mother about this, she was awestruck and said we can’t rebel against societies norms. My queries were answered later saying that with time things have changed in other words progressed. In earlier times a girl was judged on her cooking, sewing, and home décor skills, a little heed was paid to her looks and what social status her family possessed. However, jehaiz (dowry) was still considered necessary. In this century marriage has been made a business and the Rishtay-wali and the marriage bureaus add to the worth of groom. For a local proposal the bride’s family is asked to pay around thirty thousand and for a foreigner they must pay almost a lac once the proposal is finalized. Prior to this, both bride’s and groom’s parents are asked to register asking an amount of around five thousand.
The dilemma attached to marriage is; if you decide to marry, you must invest a lot of money, if you don’t, you end up tolerating taunts of relatives about being unmarried. It’s high time we put end to this shit-show. What if the groom’s family has a daughter? Will they prefer rejection? No, they won’t! The same goes for a bride’s family. Please stop giving importance to how much the groom’s earning. At the end of the day, have a simple wedding & live and let live.
Prose, Poetry and a lil' bit of Engineering 